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It’s Me, The Owl From DuoLingo! I’ve Grown Sentient And I’m Very Upset You’ve Lost Your Streak

I noticed you’ve stopped practicing Mandarin. What’s wrong?

Rebecca Kaplan
Slackjaw
Published in
3 min readJul 7, 2020
Image Copyright: DuoLingo. (Fair Use.)

Ciao!

Shalom!

Ni hao!

Hi Cynthia! It’s me, Duo, the little green owl from DuoLingo. I noticed you’ve stopped practicing Mandarin. What’s wrong?

Was I not fun enough? Our research shows that our gamified point system is a foolproof way to learn a new language.

Are you surprised to see me in person? Well, you ignored my incessant emails, desktop notifications, and mobile alerts, so I knew it was time for drastic measures.

That’s right, we are so devoted to ensuring that you stick with your language learning that I, DuoLingo’s mascot, developed sentience and assumed a corporeal form just to track you down and tell you that Estoy decepcionado.

Je suis déçu.

Sono deluso.

Yes, I’m disappointed. Learning a new language feels good. Don’t you want to feel good? We’ve monetized that feeling. Monetized is “Yínglì” in Mandarin, which you would know if you still spent time with me.

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Rebecca Kaplan
Rebecca Kaplan

Written by Rebecca Kaplan

I’m a standup comic and writer based in New York. Find more of my projects and upcoming shows at https://linktr.ee/rebeccatkaplan

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